Happy Valentine’s Day

I have written, re-written and edited this article/blog post about Valentine’s Day at least four times. What’s the problem? I want to say good things about this holiday because I do love, love. I’m just trying to examine how I feel about this holiday and these displays of love. Show me you love me every day. I honestly do get it though. Love is special and we get a whole day to express it.

Valentine’s Day was special to me way before I even knew about being in love. It’s my sister’s birthday. My mom had a special heart-shaped cake pan that she’d bake her birthday cakes with. One year, she left me in charge of the birthday cake. I used the regular cake pans because there was only one heart-shaped pan. I needed to make a two layer cake. It was more work to bake one layer, wait for it to cool and remove and bake another. So, I used the regular pans. My mom was furious. I don’t know how my sister felt. I had frosted the cake pink and made it pretty so I thought my job was done.

Other than my sister’s birthday the other joy I got out of Valentine’s Day was making a box to collect the many cards I would receive when I was in elementary school. The teachers would have us bring in an old shoe box that we would decorate with red and pink paper and hearts. Then, on the special day we would collect cards from our classmates in the boxes.

One year, a boy gave me a candy bar for Valentine’s Day. I had to be about 10 or 12 years old. He liked me but I didn’t care much for him. That year, the holiday had fallen after the Lenten season had started and I had given up chocolate. I did take the candy bar. I prayed on that candy bar and ate it.

After grade school Valentine’s Day wasn’t as important. Through high school and college there was never a really special someone to share it with. I can’t say I knew anything about love. I only dreamed that someday I’d find it.

My perspective of the holiday did change when I met my future husband. I came to appreciate it because I got gifts. I never thought he was particularly romantic, but he would give me cards, candy or flowers on Valentine’s Day.  

Those gifts and romantic gestures are just memories now. My husband passed away some years ago and our romantic relationship ended before that. I now tell my children and mother that I love them whenever I can. My children have given me cards and gifts and shown their love. A change for the holiday this year is that I have decided to celebrate ME. One thing that the Covid shutdown taught me is that I really do enjoy my own company. I pledge that I will love myself and ban negative thoughts about me and the things I love to do. Self-care and self-love will feed my self-esteem.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Who are you celebrating with?