First, You Cry

I have been fighting with this post for weeks trying to figure out how to say what I want to say. I understand why some people don’t share their journeys. This is the most traumatic experience I’ve had to go through. I had support, but basically I was alone.

During October 2020 I was making masks for Covid with breast cancer logos on them. The fall season of 2021 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. March and April of 2022 I was traveling to a city 30 miles away from my home for cancer radiation treatments; twenty nine days of treatments to be exact. Breast cancer awareness has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I am one of the thousands of women (and men) diagnosed with breast cancer.

I faithfully have my mammograms every year. I also do self-exams. In 2021, I was called back to repeat my mammogram. It had happened before so I wasn’t really worried. A second mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy later I was told cancer was found in one of my breasts. It was all so, so scary. My doctor called me with the news. When I hung up I cried.

In the late 70’s a journalist named Betty Rollin wrote a book titled First, You Cry. It documented her breast cancer journey. I’m using the same title for this blog post because that was my exact reaction to my diagnosis. My next reaction was to pray. I prayed for strength and asked God to hold my hand through this. I prayed for courage. I knew that many survive for many years after treatment. Of course at first, that’s not where my mind was. I finally realized that being positive was what I needed. People often don’t talk about their diagnosis. I get that. I didn’t tell anyone outside of family at first either. I wasn’t ashamed. I just didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.  

It’s all so overwhelming. Cancer is a terrible word that you never want to hear your name associated with. My treatment was surgery and radiation. I am now considered a survivor. I take my meds and see my oncologist. I’m just thankful that’s all I had to go through because I could have needed much more. I ended up at a cancer hospital because the original channels they sent me through were just too spread out, by day and location. The cancer hospital was a one stop shop. They did everything there and they were thorough and put me at ease. It was just mind boggling to me that they built a whole hospital for cancer patients.

Since all of this I try to remind others to keep up with their cancer screenings. You never know what they will tell you. As they say with security issues, if you see something say something. This applies with your health, too. I know it’s scary, but wouldn’t you rather know. When they first started testing me, before I got the actual diagnosis, I prayed that it was not there, but I’d had enough tests to know something was there. I couldn’t pray it away. It was what it was. I asked God for strength to help me in my fear and worry. I want to be around for a while. My children are just starting to begin their adult lives. I have celebrations I want to be part of. In my prayers I promised that I would find a way to help others through their own diagnoses. I’ve already made a small start with that.  I’m not done yet.

Isaiah 41:10 is my mantra.  There was a time I was seeing it everywhere so I knew it was for me. “So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.”

Have you had or scheduled your cancer screenings for this year? Asking for a friend.